A story about my battle with depression, anxiety and addiction

**This is my entry for the story competition**,

Its about my battle with depression, anxiety and addiction, I would like to remain anonymous though please, I\’m not ashamed of my past or my illness, I\’m still in recovery, things are better than they were but I still have a way to go if you know what I mean 🙂

This is my story. Its kind of a thank you for the help I have received off the nhs but also its kind of disappointing what it took for them to give me the proper help. For years I\’ve been battling with depression, anxiety and prescription drug addiction, back in 2010 I was really bad, I didn\’t leave my house for 6 months, my mum looked after me and she supported me.  She was the only person I had. I went to my gp a few times but it was pointless. Sadly my mum passed away that December. It was sudden, unexpected and my world fell apart. The night before, I said goodnight to her, the next morning I woke up, went downstairs and found her. The next 10 days passed in a blur, all I did was cry and take pills, I was so out of it I can\’t really remember much. We had the funeral then that night my dad drove me to his which was a while away from my home town. It was hard adjusting, I didn\’t have a good relationship with my dad and didn\’t really get on with his wife at the time, I felt like I couldn\’t grieve properly as my dad was just emotionless and everytime I was upset he just said oh is it your mum again, just very cold, and I couldn\’t really mention her or talk about her. My dad split up with my mum when I was about 14, he moved out, married and me and my brothers hardly saw him.  Eventually Him and his wife split and we moved about 7 times. After about a year I just couldn\’t take it anymore, I could feel myself sinking further and further into depression. I then moved in with my nan in another area, things were okay, it was my mums mum and I felt like I could talk about her and be with people who missed her as much as I did, I liked living with my nan, auntie, grandad and cousin. Sadly my grandad passed away a couple of months after I moved in, in the November, he was in and out of hospital, was diagnosed with lung cancer and deteriorated fast. It was a very sad time, my nan and grandad were together 49 years so we all tried to be there for one another. I was doing
okay at my nans but I was still taking the prescription drugs, it was opiates like Tramadol and codeine I was taking, I was taking them for 5 years before I got help. The following June I was just in the darkest place I\’ve ever been, I\’d stopped going out again, I felt like nobody cared about me, nobody would miss me if I was gone and that I had absolutely nothing to live for, I went to the shop, bought a bottle of whiskey, drank some for Dutch courage then, whilst alone in my room started swallowing as many tablets as I could, sleeping pills, anti psychotics, anti depressants, all sorts.  The next thing I knew I was in hospital being pushed round in a bed, my auntie was there, my brother and an old friend, I was so out of it until the next day when I started sobering up, I found out that my nan was downstairs, she heard banging coming from upstairs, thought it was my cousin but she came up to see I was in the bathroom, out of it and my head was banging against the wall, she called an
ambulance and they took me to hospital, thankfully I was found in time but I almost didn\’t make it. I was put on a drip to flush all the toxins out of my body and kept in for a few nights. I was assessed by the mental health team and fortunately I wasn\’t sectioned as my nan agreed that I could come home but she would keep a close eye on me and lock away all the medication which I\’m so grateful for as she didn\’t have to do that. I was put under the out patient care team and I received ALOT of help, I was given a social worker and saw a psychiatrist regularly, I was put on the right medication and slowly I started getting better. My social worker but me in touch with a drug team who have helped me get off the opiates by giving me an opiate blocker tablet that has been gradually reduced which I have to go to my local pharmacy everyday for. A year on, being a lot more mentally stable, I started seeing a counsellor, she is helping me to get my life back on track basically, I\’ve started going to groups for self esteem and how to manage my anxiety, I\’m trying to be more social, I\’m a lot more stable and I go out. Its been 18 months now. I will be coming off the opiate blocker this summer, I\’m still on medication for my mental health and medication for another condition I have called fibromyalgia but I\’m actually looking forward to my future, life seems a lot better these days and its all thanks to the support off my family and the help I\’ve had off the nhs. Before my suicide attempt, I don\’t think I was taken seriously, I didn\’t get the help I needed at the time but I\’m so thankful I\’m still here and my life seems to finally be on track, i do still have bad days every now and again but Its not as bad as it was. When I was hospitalised my future seemed hazy, I was in a daze, on opiates, severely depressed but now, my heads clear and best of all I have a future to look forward to. If you have depression or an addiction, or you think someone close to you has it don\’t stop going to your GP until they take you seriously, there is help out there and I\’m proof you can come from rock bottom and get your life back together!